For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
