Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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