I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
