That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
