I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize