Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
