It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
