shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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