It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
