so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
