I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
