That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
