I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
