Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
