I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
