Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
