Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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