Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
