My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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