you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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