and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize