You're my little dorito
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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