i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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