i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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