Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
