Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
