Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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