I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
