That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
