Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
