GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
