Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
