I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
