ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
cat food counts as protein by the way
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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