woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize