dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
