I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
