I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
