He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
