her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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