I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
