he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
