i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
