the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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