He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
