I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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