I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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