Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I smell stomach acid.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
