wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
