I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
