I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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