the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize