I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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