im drinking this country out of the recession.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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