Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
