Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
