apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
