Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
