at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
