I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
