I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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