i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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