I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
