My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
