Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
