Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
