worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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