If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
