hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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