so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
