Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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