yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
