Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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