My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need to sanitize my soul.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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