she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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