i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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