i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
