i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
