I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
